


Freckles (Ugly)

by pissfizz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/No Comfort, Insecurity, Please read with caution, Yamaguchi Tadashi’s freckles, fun fact I actually think freckles are one of the prettiest things in the world, get this boy some THERAPY, he hates his freckles, self harm consideration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26414236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pissfizz/pseuds/pissfizz
Summary: He hates them so much. He hates his freckles with his whole heart. All he wants, the only thing he wants, is to just be pretty.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Freckles (Ugly)

**Author's Note:**

> READ WITH CAUTION PLEASE  
> CW: briefly considers self harm, and this whole thing is very angsty, hurt/no comfort, he hates everything about how he looks please read with caution

Yamaguchi doesn’t like his freckles. He’s been bullied for them ever since he was little, although since he met Tsukki it’s toned down some. But that doesn’t mean the insecurity isn’t still there.   
He thinks they look disgusting, the way they cover just about every inch of his skin. They were layered so thickly on his face, on his shoulders, everywhere was covered in spots. He wasn’t even sure exactly what tone his skin was under all of them, just that it was vaguely tan. For all he knew it could be splotchy and uneven, but it’s impossible to tell under the sheer amount of _freckles_.   
Once when he was little he tried using his mom’s makeup to cover them. There wasn’t enough, and it was way to pale to even resemble his tone. He used the whole bottle trying to cover everything, but after going down his face and neck and shoulders, he ran out. It didn’t even look good, as he didn’t know how to apply makeup.   
Some days he felt like they were constellations on his skin, like sparkling stars covering his body. Except they didn’t sparkle, and they weren’t stars. They were a gross muddy color on a pale brown, nothing like the bright colorful lights dancing across the deep blue sky.   
Not to mention it made him stand out. Yeah, he’s seen others with freckles, but most people just had them lightly across their nose and cheeks and shoulders but that was _it_. But every time he enters his new classroom on the first day of school, people who didn’t know him before will stare at him and people that did already know him would whisper to the others about it.  
_What a freak. He looks gross. It looks like a disease. Does he draw them on or something? There’s no way that many freckles is possible. Is he covered in dirt or something?_  
People stared at him, talked about him, and Yamaguchi couldn’t _handle_ it. Every time someone watched him, their eyes on him specifically, he felt like he would throw up. Each day afterwards he would get home and let his emotions loose, let himself cry.   
His mom had been concerned for awhile, and when he heard her talking about maybe considering therapy, he started to show less and less of these breakdowns. If someone found out that this was all because of stupid freckles, they would know just how stupid he is, how dumb, how pathetic.   
It didn’t help that he stood out anyway, even without the freckles. He didn’t have the usual black or brown hair, instead getting stuck with some muddy green that was like his mom’s earthy forest colored hair, but mixed with dirt and sadness. His skin was tan, the result of his father being half Hispanic. He was tall for his age, but still managed to be scrawny. Top it all of with his spotty skin, and you got someone who basically screamed “Hey I’m ugly!! Come make fun of me!!”   
He hated how insecure he was, why couldn’t he just get over it? It was just stupid skin. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help standing in the mirror, shirt off, hating what he was seeing, ripping and scratching at his skin as if that would magically pull them off.   
God he hated them so much. He wanted them to be pretty like stars, he wanted them to sparkle, he wanted them to be _beautiful_. Or, better yet, he wanted them to be gone. He wanted the only flaws on his skin to be some weird little mole on his elbow and acne, just like every other teenager. He couldn’t help it, he just wanted to be pretty.   
Pretty. Ha. As if. Yamaguchi Tadashi and ‘pretty’ were two things that were never mentioned in the same sentence, unless someone was saying how much he is not.   
He should just give up. He’s never going to be pretty, not unless he can just peel his skin off. But he can’t stop his longing, his _need_ to look pretty. Every time he looks in the mirror he noticed every flaw and every ugly thing about him. He wishes his hair was the forest green of his mothers, or the dark brown of his fathers, instead of being caught in between. He wishes he wasn’t so gangly and awkward. He wishes his face weren’t shaped like it was, with a pointy chin and wide slightly sunken eyes. He _needs_ his freckles to be gone. That, at the very least, would at least make it bareable. But he’s just ugly.  
_Ugly._  
_Disgusting._  
_Ugly!_  
_UGLY!_  
_UGLY UGLY UGLY!_  
_**UGLY**_!  
The more he sat silently, the more the word consumed him, it filled his head, his only thought, just ugly, ugly, ugly.   
Stupid fucking freckles, and stupid fucking Yamaguchi for thinking he could ever be pretty, for even considering the thought that with enough makeup or surgery he would be pretty, because no matter what, no amount of plastic surgery or concealer or foundation would ever make him pretty.   
He felt bad for the people that had to look at him, Tsukishima’s eyes probably burned with each glance. He probably thought Yamaguchi was so disgusting that no one would ever talk to him, so let him follow him out of pity. The team was probably ashamed to be seen with him, at each training camp, at each game, they were probably embarrassed that the other team would look at them and see that Yamaguchi, the ugly freckle covered boy, was on their team. They kept him on the bench not just because he was a bad player, but because it was embarrassing to be on the same court as him as well.   
Yamaguchi wanted to rip his skin off. Cut it, burn it away, get rid of the freckles. Maybe if it was gone people would think he’s pretty.   
Unable to resist the temptation, he shot a glance at the razor on the bathroom counter. It was his dad’s, but he probably wouldn’t mind if he borrowed it right?   
Wait- no! What was he thinking? If he tried to cut away the freckles, he’d probably bleed out, and die, there was just too many of them for him to even live long enough to enjoy his accomplishment. And if he only cut off some of them, he’d want to do it on the places people had to look at the most, his face, his neck, his hands, but he would need to put bandages on the cuts afterwards so that he didn’t make a mess, and people would get worried and know that he hurt himself, and then he’d get sent to _therapy_ and that would make things worse!   
He reluctantly tore his gaze away from the razor. He could try his mom’s makeup again? No, nothing much has changed since he was little, he still doesn’t know how to apply it well, and it still doesn’t match his coloring.   
He was doomed to be ugly forever. He couldn’t just go and buy his _own_ makeup, people would see, and then they would make fun of him for needing it in the first place, for being so ugly that he needed to change. He’s always going to be disgusting, always going to be so. Fucking. _Ugly_.  
Yamaguchi didn’t know what to do, staring into the mirror, unable to rip his eyes away, no matter how much he wanted to. A few silent tears ran down his cheeks, his disgusting, freckled cheeks.   
Never going to be beautiful. Never able to be pretty. All Yamaguchi would ever be is

_Disgusting_

_So_

_Fucking_

**_Ugly_**. 

**Author's Note:**

> This hurt me to write mainly because a) I love Yamaguchi so much and b) I love freckles so much
> 
> Also please comment, should I write a second chapter with some comfort?


End file.
